After interacting with other class mates, Becky Knapp, and my teacher, Mrs. Shipp, about my script, I went away with their ideas and opinions in mind in order to improve my script for a second and final version.
The changes I made were as follows;
I added more speech within the beginning of the text in order to emphasise on the child’s neglect which is the message trying to be sent across to the audience. Within this speech, I included a different language in which the family spoke in order to add a realistic and unique effect. This would help the audience possibly understand the cultural background of the family due to Asian representations/stereotypes.
I also included a whole new scene within the story line, the bedroom incident (page 2 of version 2.) This was in order to set another powerful image to the audience improving their views on the message trying to be achieved as well as to help the story achieve its time limit given of six minutes.
The rest of the story was kept the same as they were the main, significant events in which would help the audience realise the true story. Also the time limit given was too short to include all events therefore adding only the significant parts were necessary.
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